PukhtunWomen

If spring is in the air and the snows are melting, can the Taliban be far behind?
As spring showers grace the earth and flowers raise their head, Islamabad braces itself for the annual migration of political and military representatives from the North chastising the country’s administration for just not doing enough. Not that the Taliban and their associates were twiddling their thumbs as winter fires roared, but popular wisdom dictates that once the sun comes out, the snow caps melt, and the roads open
to military traffic, the Taliban are ready to launch a band new offensive against the coalition forces. I sincerely believe that in the near future the first violent attack of the year by the Taliban will challenge Groundhog Day in the United States as heralding the arrival of spring. You know that quaint American ritual in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, when everyone assembles on a particular day to watch a designated groundhog emerge from its burrow. Now if the groundhog were to see its shadow, this means there are still some days of winter cold left; but if it cannot see it, then good news! A change in climate is to follow. In Pakistan the term bo kata will over time have really gory and unpleasant connotations if we were to follow a similar act of violence followed by change in weather analogy.

The first reprimanding migratory bird from the North has come and gone. Vice President Cheney came blustering into Islamabad, got our Foreign Office in a huff (albeit six years too late), survived a Taliban attack at the Bagram Base (not so lucky were the nine people who have been
confirmed as being killed in the attack with a further twenty seriously injured) and has left in a blaze of accusation and counter-accusation across the Pak-Afghan border. This, as the two governments try to decide who happens to be ‘more responsible’ for the current state of affairs in ill-fated Kabul.

Today, everyone in Pakistan stands united in their condemnation of Messrs. Musharraf and company’s policies in the regions bordering Afghanistan. Either we hate him for unleashing a reign of terror on civilians living in that region and giving the Americans a carte blanche to go forth
and bully, or we hate him and his cohorts for losing ground and rushing into peace treaties with personalities and groups that are armed and restless in the region. And during the process over time introducing more jirgas, loya and small, than the region ever needed and making allowances as democratic, civil, and human rights are violated in the region in the name of tradition, history and culture. Any person who has minded an unruly child, where a child is definitely less armed and not even one percent as unruly and capable of violent behaviour as the average militant is prone to be, would have told President Musharraf — one does not reward bad behaviour. Perhaps after following the British model (give the tribal agencies and beyond laissez faire in exchange for a promise of good behaviour; we can turn a blind eye boys as long as you don’t worry our interests) of the past and the American model (bomb, embargo, bully and bomb some more) of the present, it is time that Musharraf turns to popular culture and follows the Super Nanny Model. Yes, Mr Musharraf turn on that TV and tune in to that channel or just ask the Mrs to order a DVD set of that reality television programme and see how you can get the little ones behaving in Waziristan. Yes, probably one needs a little less of those briefings from Washington and see what today’s Mary Poppins has to say on disciplining little and big terrors. Mark out the Naughty Corner, and learn to say in your best authoritarian voice as you look down at that guy, “You have been a very, very naughty child”, and let the gentleman stay in that naughty corner based on his chronological age. So stop
vacillating between the ‘bomb them to the middle ages’ and ‘boys will be boys’ attitude and look what the friendly early childhood practitioner has to say. The institution of the firm, British governess nee nanny knew a thing or two when it came to disciplining the wild spirited amongst us.

The season of spring in the Northern Hemisphere also ushers in a very important day of the calendar — International Women’s Day. Considering that the custodians of the chastity and morality of women in Pakistan have already given women a fiery greeting on February 20th, I don’t
think women groups in Pakistan would be asking themselves whether their job is done in Pakistan. In fact the way it is in Pakistan, clichéd as it may sound, ‘Women’s work is never done’ in the country — do the household work, go outside the house to go through a minefield of sexual
violence and innuendo on the street, and if you are unlucky it might follow you to your (paid) work space, negotiate that minefield again on your way home (where home is the space that statistics for Pakistan tell us 80 percent of women go through domestic violence) and well, start the cycle again the next day. And before I forget, in the meantime be careful to dodge that bullet as the gentleman next door just doesn’t like it when women step out of the house. Hallelujah, it is spring and the start of a brand new year.

I just can’t wait to hear what nuggets of knowledge President Musharraf has in store for us come March 8th. I know he will trot out the Women’s Protection Bill as a gift he has already given us — that he ‘stole’ the gift is not lost on us, it is tantamount to a bully waiting outside a birthday party, pouncing one someone else bearing a present, crossing out their name and scribbling in his and nonchalantly whistling as the other person (women’s rights groups and certain political actors) cry hoarse (in our
case that they had put in the hard work over the past two decades). And when shortly after announcing the gift other overgrown tyrants protested the bequest, he had no qualms allowing the parliament to shred it into little bits and give a ‘frayed’ version to the female population. So watch
Super Nanny this evening Mr President, and tackle all those childhood problems. It would go a long way in making better grown ups of you and your colleagues.

P.S: I am wondering whether there was a discreet memo circulated prior to Dick Cheney’s visit (both in Pakistan and Afghanistan)...extend him the traditional hospitality and show him the sights, treat him to tikka, chapli kabab and green tea, gift him carpets if he likes them, but whatever you do, don’t take him hunting!!