PukhtunWomen

I want to start out my story by asking you a question.

What is Beauty and what does love have to with it?

Ask your self this question and write down the answer before you proceed to read.

My story is of a tragic incident that tore our family apart, because what was one defined as beautiful and beauty was not the same for the person who he sent to seek out the hand of the one he loved.

There were two girls both beautiful in their own right, but to the beholder, one was more than the other.

We will for anonymity's sake call one Laloona and the other Malghalara.

It started in Khyber Medical College where a pretty intelligent young girl after many days of hunger strike was allowed to fulfill her dreams of becoming a doctor.

There was a handsome young man from Landi Kotal who we will call Malik Yousaf, he was a few years senior to Laloona, how he fell in love with her I do not know. Laloona had only been allowed to go to college with the condition that her face be always covered. Maybe it was her eyes or maybe in a very hot day she had exposed her face to quickly dry of the sweat running down her face.

Yousaf made it his business to find out who she was and where Laloona lived and who her family was. On starting his house job, he went to his mother and asked her to talk to his father about asking for the hand in marriage of the girl he loved.

On finding out who his youngest son finally wanted to marry, the father was very happy and told his son that he had chosen wisely, for he knew the girl’s father and uncles and they were good friends.

A few weeks later the parents and his two oldest brothers and their wives and two of his sisters laden with gifts showed up Laloona,s family house. In this house lived three brothers and their wives and children in a joint family.

As was their custom Yousafs mother had brought a ring with her and went and waited in the women’s side of the house together with her daughters and daughter in laws, while the husband and sons went and sat with the men. There he carefully broached the subject and being a Pukhtun, he took his time, not getting to the point directly kind of beat around the bush till he very diplomatically informed them that he was here to further strengthen their friendship by becoming family and making their daughter his own and he wanted their answer right here and right now. After a brief consult with their elderly mother in the guise of one excuse and another the three brothers came back and gave their consent. Every one was very pleased.

When the happy news was sent to the women waiting inside everyone was really excited and happy too. There was just one problem, none of them had ever seen the girl in question and not one of the boy’s family had asked her name either. The only thing the women remembered was that Yousaf had said she would be the most beautiful girl they had ever seen, they looked at all the girls of marriageable age who had unknowingly sat beside them entertaining them. (If they had known the true intent of the women present they would have stayed hidden as was custom of their people). Each girl was pretty in her own way, but the boy had said that she had eyes as blue as the sky and hair the color of spun gold. Among the girls of marriageable age there were two that fit that description to the T. As the mother looked at Laloona and Malghalara both fair skinned, blond, blue eyes she in her eyes Malghalara was the prettiest and she slid the ring on to her finger. Everyone was surprised but none so more than Malghalara who was only staying with the family on a visit from the USA. She was in her third year of medicine at Colombia University New York.

Not knowing how to respond, she looked at her aunts, her grandmother and her cousins and the Yousaf's relatives. If she ever wanted to say anything she never got a chance because all her prospective in laws were hugging and kissing her as she was showered with more gifts. One of the sisters pulled out a picture and pushed it into her hands unseen to any one else. He was an extraordinarily handsome young man and educated to boot. All the cousins oohed and ahhed over his picture later that night as she shyly showed it to them away from the sharp eyes of the elders. There was a general excitement and happiness all around, though no one ever admitted it the reason Malghalara was sent over every year was so that a Pukhtun husband could be found for her.

The Yousaf's family spent a while as they worked out a date for the wedding within the next few months. Later that evening Malghalara's parents were called to tell them the happy news and that they should come soon as possible to start preparing for the happy event.

As it happened Laloona saw Malik Yousaf at the hospital the next day. To his surprise she boldly went up to him and congratulated him and welcomed him to the family. He was surprised but happy that she was so happy and open about their engagement, but when she told him how lucky he was because Malghalara was such a wonderful and sweet person and so were her parents, he asked her what she was talking about.

He plainly told her that it was she he wanted to marry not her cousin. This confession left Laloona in a very awkward position, feeling insulted and terrified and a traitor, she ran away as fast as she could and stopped going to college and would never tell anyone why.

Malghalara's parents arrived and the unhappy bridegroom was brought before them. He was an honorable Pukhtun and no matter what had happened he would carry out the promise that had been made in his name even though his heart was not in it. Hi sisters had brought him a picture of Malghalara, and he had to admit that she was breathtakingly beautiful, but who knows the reasons of the heart, she just wasn’t Laloona he sadly told himself.

Malghalara happily went out with her mother and cousins every day and started buying herself beautiful clothes and jewelry. One day she told her parents that she knew that it was impossible, but she would be so much more comfortable if she could at least meet her husband to be just once. As discreetly possible the arrangement was made in the guise of them running into each other in Islamabad. He was very quite and she sensing something was wrong just asked one question, "Why me when we had never even seen each other, he only smiled and said nothing but she was smart she put together all the bits and pieces and saying nothing to him she cornered Laloona that night who was not even leaving her room at that time.

Malghalara pressed her into giving her an honest reply by hugging her and just saying, "Laloona, how do you expect me to live with a man who loves my sister, how will I ever live with myself or with him?"

Laloona crying told her all that had happened. Laloona also told her that there was no way out for her anyway because it would bring dishonor and shame to both families. Malghalara was angry that three people would have to be miserable for the rest of their lives just so that honor could be maintained.

I arrived for the wedding three days before the Nakreezi. The day before the wedding Malghalara asked me if I had had cold feet before the wedding. I looked down at my swollen ankles and said not really Pearl. She asked if I had any money she could borrow for a few weeks. I happily gave her about Rs 50,000, thinking she needed it for some last minute shopping. She gave me a hug and said, no matter what remember I love all of you very much. Thinking she was worried about getting married I didnt pay her much attention.

The next day we were all getting ready and Malghalara and a few other cousins went into a room to get prepared. Finally the bride was ready and brought out so all the family could see her off and give their blessings. Malghalara was crying like crazy and her voice sounded different but I thought she better stop this, it was really upsetting her parents, who sadly looked on wiping away their tears. Malghalara had her face tightly covered and her head bent down and she was trembling so bad when she had to sign on the Nikkah Nama that she really messed up her signature. I couldnt even read it. Then it was time for her to leave and her parents asked me to go with her to Landi Kotal for a few hours so she could calm down a little.

Malghalara trembled and shivered all the way and never said a single word. We finally reached there and helped her out of the car, she kind of hesitated getting out of the car and I angrily whispered to her that she was making a spectacle out of all of us and what had got into her to make her behave in such an odd way. The shots of a hundred guns drowned out what she said to me but we got her to the place they had set up for the bride. Yousaf's mother and sisters carried out their customs and traditions to greet the bride but the bride would not show her face. Thinking she was worried what all the crying had done to her face I asked for a few minutes to quickly fix her make up. As I bent down to look under her banarasai, I got the shock of my life on seeing Laloona there instead of Malghalara. Feeling very faint I made my way to a quite room and sat down to compose my self. I don't know how long I sat there but expected to hear fire shots and screams any moment. when I went out I was ready for all hell to have broken loose, but there sat Laloona with her face uncovered and no one none the wiser.

I went to her and held her hand tightly and said very quietly, " I don't know what is going on, but courage and we will get through this". She held my hand so tightly I was afraid she would break my fingers. I was terrified to leave her there, but even more terrified to go home. I finally had to leave and told her to stay strong she started crying again, but I hugged her all I could say was "Courage"

I don't how I got home or who took me but when I got home all hell had broken loose because no one could find Laloona. I was tired and shivering and terrified as I told them who I had left in Landi Kotal. There was pin drop silence and then it was broken by my uncontrollable sobs. Someone took me to bed and I fell asleep sleeping through the better part of the next day till my husband forcibly roused me and forced me to eat and drink. I started to ask him something but he said he wouldn't answer anything till I ate. I found out that Malghalara had called from London and said she was safe and hoped they could forgive her, but they had already hung up on her.

She was dead to the family forever and it was forbidden to ever mention her name again. The men had gone to Malik Yousafs family and quietly told them what had happened so that they would not think that they had been willfully deceived. They took it very calmly saying if not one daughter than the other was just as fine and better now than later. After all who could trust girls brought up in he West.

I didn't see Malghalara for six years and then when my uncle, her father died I saw her at the funeral on a very cold day in New York. We cried a lot and both of us never had the guts to ask the other what we so badly wanted to know. We stayed in touch over the years as she would drop in ever so often to spend a couple of days with my husband and me. It was our secret and I never told anyone and my husband knowing how much I loved her and how much she meant to me did not object to her coming to our house.

One would think that her sorrow would end there, but it seems that Allah in his all knowing greatness marks some people to be tested more than others.